Refusing Despair
Shaking it off
Journal: 8 November, 2024, morning.
What I’m about to share with you here this early morning began with a comment on a friend’s post (thank you, Jeanie) and was further inspired by reading what another friend shared, which not many of her commenters understood at all (thank you, Kate). It’s what I practice and is useful in small and large ways, from a tear in a favorite shirt to the downfall of democracy.
So, having properly framed this, let me begin this short essay on despair.
Quite a while ago (years and years) I discovered a company called Despair, Inc. Having a large appreciation of absurdity, I loved it. I just googled it and amazingly it’s still a going concern so I guess a lot of us love dark humor. Who would have thought?
They sell calendars and posters and coffee mugs and so on, things for all us frustrated dreamers, battle scarred idealists, not-quite-yet cynics. They’re SO good. I always did love a bit of mockery.
Some of my favorites:
“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
“The race for quality has no finish line, so technically it’s more like a death march.”
“None of us is as dumb as all of us.”
“When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a meteor hurtling to the Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteorite.”
(Narrator note: the online product descriptions are *chef’s kiss*, check them out)
Now for the segue…
Despite our amusement at humorous views of tragedy (coping, anyone?), despair is real. And it visits all of us, no matter how chipper and perky and full of platitudes we are. (Legally Blonde instantly pops up in my mind, thinking of perkiness, and wasn’t she just the perfect perkiness? I loved that movie).
To refuse despair through artificially denying it is only to delay it, an empty and useless practice. Far better to acknowledge our real feelings, wallow in them for a brief time, then give ourselves a really good shake and move on.
Did I despair at this election result? Of course I did. Who wouldn’t, those of us who have a passion for decency and the rule of law and goodness and have developed a fondness for living in a functioning democracy? And me being a woman, not being seen as some sort of Stepford wife?
Yes, I despaired.
(Please note the past tense: despaired)
And then? I gave myself a good shake and I was done with that. DONE. Done, because I am not a passive recipient of whatever those people who enabled this current situation want to force feed me, impose on me.
I do not approve, as a famous poet said so eloquently.
I do not approve, I won’t accept it, I will do everything I can to resist it, including not despairing. Why? Well, honestly, I have a lot of the contrarian in me. The moment you tell me I cannot do something, I will do it or die. Seriously. So there’s that. But there are other less personal and more substantive reasons, such as the inducement of despair being used as a weapon, one that bullies employ—along with fear and dread—with great glee. And success.
Despair numbs us, drains our energy, drains our strength and enthusiasm and courage, and as I said before, it visits all of us at times, no matter how emotionally strong we are.
It’s very human, the reaction of despair, to have such hopes, work so hard, only to have those hopes soundly defeated and by our fellow citizens. How could we NOT have a moment of despair? Almost impossible.
I allow myself that moment and then I repeat to myself that mantra from Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, which has become mine also: “I too have felt despair many times in my life, but I do not keep a chair for it; I will not entertain it. It is not allowed to eat from my plate.”
So. A moment, then shake it off. Move on. And into an uncertain future, yes, but the future always is, isn’t it? And we have agency, we can affect it. Always. Feel that power of all of us so dismayed by this situation and resolving—resolving!—to make a difference.
I resolve to make a difference. Will you join me? I’d love that.
#journalingalife
I am almost ashamed to admit the amount of wallowing I have done in the past few days.
Once again, Sharon, you either formulate the right words to write at the right time; or, you find the words somewhere and pass them on to us.
It is times like these that we need people, such as yourself, to do the heavy thinking for us and offer a balm in thoughtful words of kind spirit and compassion. Please don't ever quit this labor of love. We need it!